Sensory Perception
After my husband died, there were days when I didn’t talk to anyone. I would go for a week without
human touch. That summer my daughter was staying with me for a while. One night she just started
rubbing my feet. It brought tears to me. I realised how sensory deprived I had become.

Memories
You probably want to remember all – and only – the good times with your spouse. You surely have some
cherished memories of loving conversations, happy, relaxing holidays, funny incidents, generous actions,
and peaceful moments. One way to capture those memories is to write them down. Then, later on, when
the memories are not so vivid, you can read what you wrote and treasure the good times again.

Our attitudes impact how we behave. People with positive attitudes tend to look on the bright side of life and anticipate that bad things are fleeting. They tend to be affirming, forward-thinking, and happy. People with negative attitudes tend to focus on things that are going badly and anticipate that bad things will continue to happen. They tend to be skeptical, cynical, and sometimes grumpy.

People have probably told you they are praying for you. This can be a great consolation. It means that you are not in this alone. Others are lifting you up in prayer and asking God to ease your pain. After the death of my husband, someone in my parish went one step further. She said to me, “It may be hard for you to pray right now, but don’t worry, we’ll pray for you”.

Now and then I would forget that my husband’s absence was permanent. One morning I woke and
wondered if he’d already gone to work. Another day I was putting dishes on the table and realised that

Ponder The process of determining what God is asking is called discernment. The word discernment means to sift apart. When we enter into discernment, we

There’s so much to do after your spouse dies: making funeral arrangements, receiving guests, writing thank-you cards, executing the will, managing finances, sorting through clothes

Condolence wishes can truly bring us comfort. They communicate that others share our grief. The word “condolence” comes from the Latin word meaning “to feel pain”. But others cannot truly feel how deeply
we are suffering. They cannot know the conflicted feelings within us. Their expressions of sympathy can
only go so far in easing our grief. And yet, their wishes do serve to remind us that we are not alone in our sorrow, that others also cared for and will miss our departed spouse (friend).

You’re supposed to have strong feelings when your spouse dies. In the first few days or weeks you may have been worn out with sadness

Respect for ourselves and for the one we care for is a central attitude to live and to be lived by. We simply do not, and will not, know the truth and fullness of anyone’s personal life, for it is hidden even as we live it. Then to be respectful is first to give up thinking that we know what others are essentially about, and second, it is something we can hold on to, like a railing, while we learn as we go.